Yet Another Little Girl!

Lately, I've been having an insane amount of night-time visits by badly tempered, deceased, little girls. You see, it's just that I always forget to repost all those messages. Silly me! Here's a description of my most recent visitors.

GIRL DIED IN 1993. The murderer chanted, "Toma sota balcu" as he buried her. Now that you have read the chant, you will meet this little girl. In the middle of the night she will stand at the side of your bed starring straight into your eyes. She will suffocate you... like she was suffocated. This story is sadly true. If you post this 5 differnt events she will not bother u

I just love the introduction "GIRL DIED IN 1993." It seems terribly vague, seeing as millions of girls died in 1993. I believe the poor, misguided writer meant to begin it with a "this".... Also the seeming pointlessness of the chant. I mean, come on! The writer could've done so much with that! She could've had said little girl chanting that late at nigh, come the stroke of midnight, or something along those lines....I'm scaring myself already! I tell you, if I didn't hate these things, I'd write them! Also baffling is the wording at the end. "She will not bother u" Once again, terribly vague...not to mention lack luster! This whole thing is a lose lose situation. You'll either be suffocated, or have an awkward moment with a dead girl in your bedroom "not bothering you". Can you imagine the awkward moments you and dead girl would have when she was "not bothering you"? I'd love to hear the small talk you'd have...."So...your dead...How's that working out for you?"

What I really want to know is why all these murdered girls want revenge on perfect strangers. Don't they realize that this will get them nowhere? In Ghandi's words, "An eye for an eye, makes the world blind!" So this is my call to all you angry, recently deceased girls out there: Don't take out your trouble on the innocent, instead try screaming into an ectoplasmic pillow.

CLIFF HANGER!

I was exploring the internet today, and guess what I found? A spell to.....well I don't actually know what it does to be honest, as it was incomplete. Most likely, ancient Mayans wrote it, and before it could be finished, the Spaniards invaded it. THANKS A LOT CONQUISTADORS! Here it is-

YOU STARTED READING THIS. DON'T STOP OR YOU'LL HAVE BAD LUCK FOR TEN YEARS.
1. close your eyes and say your name 5x
2. say your mom's name 2x
3. open your eyes and make a wish
.........4. re-post to five other events within the hour
...............5. press Alt-F4 and the name of someone who likes you will pop up on the...

POP UP ON THE WHAT?!?!?!?!!?!!??!??!

Followers, I need your help! Whatever could be the last word of this ancient spell?

Run, Julie, Run!

Have you met my little friend? I met her last night under my bed, because I didn't repost a message fifteen times. Silly me! Julie here has quite the interesting story! Because I cannot hope to match the original authors incredible style, I'll just post it!

My Name is Julie, I Died when i was 10, I have no nose, or ears, or no hair, i have rotten blood coverd all over me, My dads name is Clyde he killed me one night, with a kitchen knife and he chopped all my body parts off ! Now that you have read this you have 15 minutes to post this on 3 events or i will be waiting under ur bed 2night and i will kill you with the kitchen knife i was killed with i will chop all your body parts off and i dnt care what age u are ur going to die................. Gd luck

Wasn't that beautiful? What I really love is that it's all just two, immense, run-on sentences. Also amusing is the fact that she considers her hair a body part. I can't help imagining this girl on the Jerry Springer show, telling her story of woe...than of course, Jerry would bring out Clyde, much to the chagrin of the live studio audience.

HEEEEEEEEEEEEERE'S CLYDE!

I'd like to point something out to all of you. Julie here claims her father cut off ALL her body parts. Would this not include limbs such as hands? Despite this, she claims that she will stab you, and cut off your body parts too. Perhaps she'll be wielding her weapon via the mouth? If you find this "Julie" (If that is in fact her real name), I recommend you call the authorities.

LIES! LIES! LIES!

Hello followers! I thought I'd share with you this rich nugget of magic (but not really!)

READ ! This isnt fake. apparently, if u copy and paste this to ten events in the next ten minutes u will have the best day of ur life tomorrow. u will either get kissed or asked out, if u break this chain u will see a little dead girl in your room tonight. in 53 mins someone will say i love you or im sorry or i wanna go out with you

According to this, this isn't at all fake! So of course, being the trusting kind, I chose to believe it! I mean, come on, how can you argue with somebody who has such impeccable spelling skills, and such a grasp on grammar? So anyhow, I DID post this on ten other events! Then I set my alarm clock to alert me in fifty three minutes (a bit oddly specific, don't you think?), all a twitter, waiting for my crush to call me! You know what happened? Absolutely nothing. I sat there crying, using up two and half boxes of kleenex! (product placement!) What I really love about this one is the punishment for not reposting this ten times. "u will se a little dead girl in your room tonight" And what exactly will said dead girl be doing? Because if you just see her, it isn't so terrifying. Especially if she's dead-for she never mentioned anything about her state of animation, whether she's a zombie or a ghost. Presumably she is just a corpse, that mysteriously appears in your bedroom, which, while being quite unnerving, isn't exactly scary. What IS scary is the lack of proper English. "U"? "Se"? AND NO PERIOD?!?!

I am personally outraged by both the lack of truth, and the lack of grammar. What better way to show outrage then through music? This ones for you, lDG (little dead girl)

End the Insanity

Hello my dear, currently non-existent followers! Undoubtedly at some point in your life, you have experienced the horror and unadulterated evil that are chain messages. These badly spelled, often macabre, little missives not only clog up your face-book wall and your email, but also quite often threaten your life if you don't follow their every instruction. In essence, all they're just literary hostage takers. The simple idea that if you don't re-post one of these to fifteen other pages, you'll be murdered by a creepy, limbless, little girl under your bed, or never be loved again is completely absurd. But do you know what's worse than that? Even though you know that it's ridiculous, you still ponder the possibility of deceased children under your bed. You sit there at twelve AM, wondering if that noise was the sound of the murderer, and then think "Oh crap...what if this one is REAL?!?!" Then of course, your stuck. You can't close your eyes, the specter might sneak up on you! You have to leave the lights on, because everybody knows that nothing bad can happen under the warm glow of fluorescent light bulbs! Why, you can't even move your feet outside the safety of the blanket! Needless to say, this leads to a very uncomfortable night, and an even worse morning. In one of these sleepless nights, I decided "No more! No longer will my nights be controlled by you, chain message! I OWN YOU!!!!!" I then decided I'd make a blog to humiliate and make of them, and eventually lead to their destruction.